Assalamualaikum and hi there. I took a very long time to start writing again. Well, something triggered me to write up a post today. Something that really got me thinking.
First of all, let’s take a
moment to recite AlFatihah to one of my batchmate, Wamasaria binti
Layai, who just passed away two days ago. May Allah grant her the ultimate
Jannah.
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We were not that close but we used to be in the same netball club
back during our first year of degree. And she was also my classmate for Arabic
language for a semester. And we just casually chat whenever we ran into each
other. I am not one of her close friends but her sudden death does affect me
somehow and makes me reflects on lots of thing.
On 23rd of May 2018, Wawa was on her way to bazaar
Ramadhan after the evening class when she got into an accident with a bus, in
the campus. According to the witnesses, she was trapped under the bus. She
didn’t budge an inch. Nobody have the courage to pull her out right away
because the condition could be worsened if they did so. The paramedics came and
after several whiles, she was announced dead. Her close friends and lecture
mates were in tears. Who would have thought that the person you were
laughing and joking with just like half an hour before is no longer alive?
Everybody was so shocked with this sad news, be it her friends or
merely the other USIM students who didn’t know her at all. Solat Jenazah was
conducted yesterday after Zuhur prayer. I felt so disappointed because I got
class during that time and didn’t get a chance to pay my last respect for her.
However, by looking at the footage during that Solat Jenazah, I knew that lots
of people were there. Strangers or friends, everybody was praying for her. And
from the ones that got to kiss her for the last time yesterday, they said that
she looked so calm. So much love and prayers were flowing for her on that day.
Wawa
passed away during the holy Ramadhan, after finishing her jihad
for education. During the accident, her aurat was still fully
covered and every part of her body remained intact. She had lots of
people coming for her Solat Jenazah. It was like a beautiful ending. Her friends said that weeks before she always
talked about how she missed her late parents. Now she might be meeting them
insyaAllah. Semoga syurga untuk mu Wawa :')
This situation got me thinking a lot. How about my ending? Is it going to be as beautiful as hers? How
my dead body will look like, will it be an aib for me or not? Do lots of people
are willing to come and pray for me? I
don’t know. I don’t have any idea about my amalan, is it going to bring me to
beautiful ending or not. I don’t know if I’ve been good enough to people around
me for them to feel the lost when I’m gone later. I have no clue if I’m
important enough to anybody, instead of my family, for them to come and pray
for me.
I was quite devastated trying to sort out all these thoughts. I
knew that I am a sinner. I was scared. I cried to myself. I isolated myself
from people for quite a time yesterday. Death could happen anytime. And I’m
definitely not ready for that. I went to sleep with scattered mind and got up
at 3AM. I had some ‘me and my Creator’ time. It seems like the
best thing that I could do to clear up my thoughts. And yes, it does.
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| source : here |
I
felt calmer and wiser after spending some time to supplicate to Allah swt. HE is the best indeed.
I’ve made up my mind. It is true that I won’t be having any idea on how my ending
will be. And actually, that should be the motivation for me to
increase my ibadah and treat everybody nicely. It is okay to worry but no point
if I do nothing and keep being the same me. I should be striving to improve
myself instead of keep worrying about something that I really have no clue
about. While having this chance, I also want to ask for forgiveness if
I ever hurt or mistreated any one of you guys. And please tell me if I have any
debt that I didn’t pay yet.
I
am a sinner. I know I maybe forget about this resolutions sometimes later
and will go out of the right path of improving myself by letting the emotions
to take control of my mind but I hope you, the ones who are reading this, please remind me and
pull me back to the right track.
Thank
you in advance and I hope Allah s.w.t will grant all of us the ultimate
Jannah, insyaAllah.
Anati
25th May 2018
